FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
