We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
