It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
