The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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