I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize