I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
