I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
