I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
