I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
