I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
