It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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