i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
