i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
