so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize