Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
