your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
