K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
