I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
