HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
