Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
