Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Drunk is not a location!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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