I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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