Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
