smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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