dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
