I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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