Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
