If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
