doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
