So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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