I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
