i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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