i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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