so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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