At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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