You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
