Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
