So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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