im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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