He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
