yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
