Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
