I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize