Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I want is dick and wine.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
