I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
