But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
