I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
