his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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