i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
