I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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