Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
