Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
