Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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