He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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