it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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