How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
