i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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