i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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