could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
