She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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