Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
