OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
