We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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