My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize