So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
