I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
