I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
