Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
