apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize