If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
