Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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