mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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