Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
