this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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