We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
